E-MAILS RECEIVED

     Many people, most whom I don't know and who didn't know Cec, have written very kind and moving letters to this site. Hearing from people means a great deal; knowing how much Cecily's talent was loved and appreciated by others worldwide. I share many of these letters with her family.

     Thanks to all who have written. Below is a note that I found especially moving:

 

From: appleviewcabin@yahoo.com
To: markss9876s@aol.com
Sent: 2/6/2009 3:39:07 P.M. Pacific Standard Time
Subj: Thank you for the Cecily Adams site
 
 
Dear Mark,

I do not know Cecily Adams, but came upon the site you created in her memory today by chance. I was looking for information on her father after enjoying an old Get Smart clip on You Tube with my little niece and nephew. I read about his daughter who I never heard of, but was curious how it came to be that she died so young.

Your site is the most beautiful online tribute I have ever encountered. You really brought this wonderful woman to life and I want you to know how incredible experience it was -- even for someone who knew nothing about her.

Oddly enough, when I saw the dates of her birth and death, I noticed that she was born on this day, February 6. So, she was born again today, at least in spirit.

Thank you again so much.

Ann Canning

 

SOME PAST e-mails since 2004

 

Date:

11 Mar 2004

Time:

20:05:19

Comments

Until Cec’s death I had never lost anyone who was so dearly connected to my heart. My husband Stuart lost his mother and brother, but that was mostly his personal grief, although I loved my mother-in law. Now there is a gaping whole in my heart that is bleeding. The pain comes from the innermost core of my soul which is hemorrhaging. Initinally, the grief came in waves, totally overwhelming me and causing hysterical fits of uncontrollable weeping and wailing. Then it would stop only to return many times during the day. Memories flood in; many of them very humorous causing laughter followed by the grief and more crying. Jim said that he had to hold his mid section so that his guts didn’t fall out. I think that his description is very accurate. Mostly there is so much loneliness and emptiness and nausea all at the same time that I choke back the tears because I have already cried so much. I will think that I’m done because I’m exhausted from so much crying, and then I begin again like I just started. I walk around in a haze and everything seems surreal. The day Cec died had to be the most beautiful day I had ever seen. It was warm; clear with a crisp breeze. Nothing made any sense. All the emotions coming out at once drain me and I feel like I’m in an altered state. I drag my self around, my energy is low, and I‘m like a dead person myself because when Cec died, part of me did too. I went around in my car passing by her old apartment on Olympic blvd. More memories flood my brain. I see her in her platform shoes at Roxbury park jumping on and destroying the lawn bowling green. Then I drive a few blocks to our high school. I see us running laps yelling that Miss Chanter never made us run laps, and Cec laughing the way she did with a big hysterical face and no sound coming out. I stopped and begged her to forgive me. I was sorry I broke her nose, I was sorry that I was angry when she copied things that I bought; My shoes my bike, I was sorry that I flattened the tires on her bike. I’m sorry I cheated on our marine biology final. I was sorry that I embarrassed her at Don Knotts house. I begged her over and over. I was sorry that we broke up in 11th grade. I’ll never forgive myself for that one. There was so much that I had wanted to tell her while she was sick but there was no time. She had other concerns: Her pain, her disease, her baby, her house, her husband, her carreer. Her fears: leaving Maddie, suffocation, tidal waves, marriage, family, you name it. Our escapades as teenagers seemed too trivial to bother with compared to other real issues she had to contend with. Then I had to go on with normal life. Purim Parties, costumes, feasts, laughter, candy. Its was like Halloween, New years Eve and Christmas at my house. I was surrounded by all the merriment while inside I was so wounded. No-one around me in my adult life had known Cec, that’s where loneliness and devastation took over. I was surrounded by the people who are the closest to me yet they couldn’t understand my pain. I pretended that I was ok but inside, my soul was screaming and everyone else in the room thought that everything was normal. The first stage of this started when Cec called me in August and told me about Maddie’s diagonis of Autism. She was devastated. Two points of our conversation that stick out in my mind: I tried to consol her and told her that she needed to focus on Maddie's problems, then she became upset and said, "I don’t want her to be 'highly functioning', I want a normal Kid.” Then she cried and said “who will take care of Maddie when I’m gone?” I told her this should not be her focus now, since such concerns were in the way too distant future, I told her to focus on today and not worry about if a day might come when she would not be there for Maddie. Boy was I wrong. I think that Cec knew then, even if subconsciously, that she was dying. Then my birthday in September came and went without a call from Cec. This was the first time in almost 30 years that I didn’t get the call wishing me a “appy bertthday” I got into my car on a Thursday in October and heard a voice calling my name. I actually got out of my car and looked in the rear luggage area to see if someone was there. I guess I heard her anguished soul crying to me. Thinking I was just imagining the voice I went about my business. I came back from New York a few days later to find a phone message on the machine saying: ”Fran its cec, I’m in the hospital, its bad.” I rushed over there and so the devastation began. Not ending: but beginning a new chapter of overwhelming pain last Wednesday March 3 at 9:30 a.m. when Maribel called to tell me Mrs. Cecily is gone. Fran Miller, Los Angeles


Date:

11 Mar 2004

Time:

20:24:46

Comments

Dear Cec,I wasn't planning to bug you for a while, since I figure that this is probably orientation week, but I know how anxious you are to hear about how your little girl did at MY GYM today. Maddie went with Ida and myself, and continues to grow socially in leaps. Normally Maddie clams up when they ask for her name. Well, lately when we've been watching the "Winnie-the-Pooh" video, I've been singing the song as "Maddie-the-Pooh." So I whispered in her ear that it would be funny if she answered with that as her name. Sure enough, when the question was called, Maddie called out: "Maddie-the-Pooh." Everyone got a kick out of it, and the instructor called her "Maddie-the-Pooh" for the rest of the day. Maddie had no problem playing with the other kids, and even said hello to them. Of course you probably can see all that from your vantage point, but it wouldn't surprise me if, in typical fashion, you got there a couple of hours after it was over! Stacey and Jim and I are going to put a full-page notice in Variety on Friday announcing the celebration of your life at the Directors' Guild on Saturday. I took a stab at writing an overly emotional thing talking about Angels and stuff, but Jim toned it down to be something that you'd be more comfortable with --- I know how much you think I overdo everything. We all really miss you more than can possibly be described Cec --- most people are trying their best to get on with life as much as they can, though I know that you'll probably take some sort of impish pleasure in knowing that it may take me a little longer to come to terms with things ... in fact I'll probably be hanging out with you again before that happens. I know exactly how you'd wryly answer : "That's exactly as it should be." :-) By the way, do they have any good roller blading paths up there ... we haven't gone in a while. Jim is pretending to hold up very well --- probably the Southern thing. And you'd be very proud of how well he has been looking after Maddie. She even has her shoes on whenever he takes her out! Maribelle thinks that Maddie needs new shoes and clothes because she has grown, and Debbie thinks that Maddie should have some vitamins for possible anemia. There's a lot of "stuff" involved in being a mother (even as a guest) --- so I'll make a list and pass it along to your sisters, who love Maddie more than you can imagine. Meanwhile, my friend Robin has come in for a week to get my indie feature ready to send off to the Dallas Film Festival (I'm pretty useless right now) ... I know how much you wanted me to get that done. When I introduced Robin as my friend to Maddie last night , she asked "Is he Moma's friend too?" I knew that would make you smile. I've asked everyone who has ever known you to write an oral history of your relationship, and then I will tape record it, so that Maddie will know more about her Moma than most kids ever do. Well, Ceco, I'll let you go now. I imagine that you still need to do lots of stuff like getting measured for wings etc. Once you are able to fly ok, I'd sure appreciate it if you could drop in on my dreams every once in a while just to let me know how its all going. You'll no doubt whine about how messy my house is, but right now I'd give everything I own in the world just hear you gripe at me one more time. I love you forever; your dearest friend in life, Mark. PS - I think that Jim is going to hold a monthly celebration of your life at the new house ... like the first Saturday of the month or something. See if you can reserve some air-traffic space over studio city on those dates so that you can peek in and see just how many people love you, and plan to keep you as permanently alive on this Earth as you've ever been ... even as you have the luxury of being in a more grand and wonderful place ---- being a part of the "Universal Consciousness" as you once put it. Also, I want you to know how close you came to beating the odds last week (since you pride yourself on calculating odds at the track). Your body wasn't failing in any way --- contrary to what people may think --- your heart was strong and you kept fighting with that breathing machine to do it on your own timing (stubborn as always). Your blood pressure was at times 120/80 --- a first for you, I'm sure. The catheter was already completely cancelling your back pain, and radiation was to start again the next day. You still had tons of Chemo options available to fight the cancer for months if not years to come, and those two new drugs that you'd been asking about for months were just days away from arriving in our hands; all intentions were to pull you off the machines on that Tuesday night at 8pm and wake you up for a better-late-than-never round of renewed chemo scheduled for the next day.I was even looking forward to hearing if you remembered anything during your weeklong nap. At one point in your sleep you called out, "Mark! Stop telling me what to do!" I was very flattered. Once previously you'd even said in your sleep, as though arguing with someone, "...I'm going to tell my friend, Mark ..." That's one of the nicest things you've ever said to me (an inside joke just between you and I). Of course if you had found out that you had accidentally admitted to me how close a friend you consider me to be, I know from past experiemce what your reply would be: "Uh ... that just kinda slipped out." :-) You know how sometimes you like to put things off by saying "one day won't make any difference"? Well, Cec, the hell of it is that on that particular night of March 2, one day seemed to make an unbearably painful amount of difference. Your chest x-ray suddenly clouded up. It all happened so fast and none of us were prepared with a plan at that moment. But I promise you, Cec, you came as close as anyone ever could have. I am so damn proud of how hard you tried ... it was practically a photo finish. I know that it is silly to say woulda, coulda, shoulda ... but with one more day we'd have been back in business. I know that if your doctor had had a single trick he could have pulled to stall for just a day he'd have used it, (I was such a wreck that he told your Mom today he was afraid that I might have needed to be hospitalized). You'd have been proud of Jim, though. He handled everything with the grace and dignity that the two of you had agreed on. He let you keep sleeping peacefully. Your worst fears were never realized. Please take care of yourself, and I promise to write again soon. I'm copying the family on this note, as they always like to keep up with Maddie's exploits. Drop by any time. I love you. Mark. PPS - Stacey actually calls me each day to ask how I am. I've been griping about never hearing from her for 15 years. Did you say something to her? You know, the good thing about e-mails is that no one can see all the tears, whailing, banged walls and kicked over boxes. (Is that Denial?) I kind of feel badly for your Uncle Russell, though --- I'm not making his job in life as a "grief councellor" very easy, am I? PPPS - If it turns out that this whole thing has been just a bad joke to get back at me for the "PETCO" prank I played on you years ago, I promise not to be mad at you if you'd just call the whole thing off now. Wishful thinking, I know. I still adore and cherish you anyway.


Date:

12 Mar 2004

Time:

00:56:41

Comments

March 11, 2004 My name is Larry Roberts. I met Cecily 29 years ago in February 1975. I was in my second semester as a Freshman at Cal-State Northridge and Cecily was a senior at Beverly Hills High. We met on a ski trip to Lake Tahoe and hung out for the entire weekend. I remember sharing with Cecily how badly I wanted to see Frank Sinatra who happened to be in Tahoe performing while we were there. Next thing I know, Cecily had invited me to the show. I was so naive. I didn't realize she had a major connection to help us get into the show. We were up close and personal with Frank and I didn't even have to tip the maitre de' to get a better seat. When we got back to L.A., we stayed close. We enjoyed each others company over the remainder of her senior year. The fondest memory for me was that I had the honor of being Cecily's date at her senior prom. Although we seemed to go our separate ways when Cecily started college at UC Irvine, we would occaisionally see one another over the years and catch up on our lives. The last time I saw Cecily was 11 1/2 years ago; just around the time my son turned 6 months old. I shared a picture of Zachary with Cecily and asked how things were going for her. We chatted for a while and then once again bid each other farewell. I never imagined that would be the last time I ever saw Cecily. I have thought about Cecily over the years. Every so often I find our prom picture and think of how much fun we had that evening and what a special person Cecily was. I will always remember her smile, sense of humor and enthusiastic view of life. I will look back and remember some of our spontaneous road trips and her infectious laughter. Although we were not able to stay close over the years, I am saddened by her passing. My thoughts and prayers go out to her family. I know she will be deeply missed.


Date:

12 Mar 2004

Time:

13:04:25

My Thought to Share:

I didn't know Cecily at all, just saw your ad in the Daily Variety today. But I hope that your website will, in addition to serving as a fond memorial to her, be an invaluable starting point to any family that is facing cancer or even another terminal illness. I hope you will go beyond this website and try to expose the myriad problems you had with Cedars-Sinai. Is the LA Times interested in printing Cecily's story? Regards, Devin Cutler devinc@aol.com


Date:

12 Mar 2004

Time:

15:07:27

My Thought to Share:

Dear Cec - I'm writing to you here as I'm sure you can pick up your emails that way. Well, gal, it's been some time, hasn't it? I'm not even sure what year it was that you, my brother Ron and my sister Kim all shared that strange house in Tustin. Was it 1981?1982? You were sort of dating Howard (Howard! You moaned endlessly about all the gay men hanging around him in Laguna!). You used to come into the house and lay down on the staircase saying that you couldn't go on - I think along with having a waitressing job (at Houlihans?), finishing your BA at Irvine you also had a little busines as a clown for children's parties. All you did was work! And then...I don't know, I went away to England and now I live in Scotland, and I just never came back. But I thought of you often and I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to write. I miss you Cec. It's Friday night here, in Glasgow, 12 March and I'm alone, just thinking about you and what a bright little spark you were in my life for that brief few years. You'll be strong, I know, as your soul journeys on. The rest of us will just sit, like this, and think of you and miss you with all our hearts. With love, Donna


Date:

12 Mar 2004

Time:

15:27:05

My Thought to Share:

To Jim & Maddie - You don't know me - I don't know you and I was not fortunate enough to know Cecily but as I was reading Variety this morning at work I saw the photo of Maddie & Cecily and was so sad to see that someone so young and a Mother had passed away. I am also a Mother of a 2 & a half year old daughter and it is so tragic that this precious little girl will not have the joy of growing up knowing her Mother and sharing in the many wonderful experiences that await her in life, although her Mother will always be inside her. Maddie looks like an incredibly sweet and loving child and in looking at the photos of her & Cecily (which, although I have never met them, brought me to tears), it is evident that they loved each other immensely. I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you, Jim and Maddie and I hope that in each other you will find the strength to endure this terrible loss. Life is so damn short and there is simply no sense to be made over something like this. Just know that people that have never even met you are feeling and sharing your pain. Sincerely yours, Karin Martenson-Goldberg


Date:

12 Mar 2004

Time:

17:13:28

My Thought to Share:

Cec will live in our memories forever .. she was a wonderful child (which is when I met her) .. friend, wife, Mother, Sister & Daughter .. her memories will only grow more special as time passes .. she will be missed by all who knew her .. those who did not know her ... their loss .. I am glad to say that I was fortunte enough to know her as a child and again as an adult/wife/mother .. Be free of pain & with the Angels . .you were one of them ... Nancy E. Barr


Date:

12 Mar 2004

Time:

19:21:33

My Thought to Share:

Cecily, Thank you for ALWAYS being a real & loving person with me and always taking my calls and listening to my crazy ideas like they were good or something (you always made me feel like I knew what I was doing). I think the journey you have embarked on is the start of something, I have no idea what, but neither dose anybody else. My God bless you on your trip and Jim and Maddie as they stay behind to tend to Maddie's growing up. Love, Darryl Marshak


Date:

13 Mar 2004

Time:

11:06:44

My Thought to Share:

Dear Jim, Today you and freinds will be remembering Cecily at the Guild. We hold you in our thoughts here in Texas and wish blessings and comfort to you and the baby. Vince, Jane, and Michael


Date:

13 Mar 2004

Time:

22:53:32

My Thought to Share:

Dearest Maddie, It is your Grammy Dell that I know and love so very much that I came to know your mommy. I only met your mommy once, but she was the brightest light and the most enveloping spirit. It is with all my heart that I wish you joy and peace and love in your life, just as your mommy lived. I attended your mommy's memorial service today, and never in my life have I witnessed so much love for one person in room so big, with hearts so wide. You precious, precious being, you are so blessed to carry this legacy of love with you throughout your life. God Bless you sweet child. always, and with you in my heart, Micaela Bensko


Date:

14 Mar 2004

Time:

03:37:47

My Thought to Share:

Dear Jim and Maddie, My heart was with you today as it has been since the first email arrives with Cec's diagnosis. Cec and I had reconnected when she tried to find me for a pilot. We ended up on the phone for an hour talking about her beloved Maddie and what the beginnings of parenthood were like, I assured her that indeed one day she would sleep and so would Maddie. We talked about all the things mothers pass to mothers. I met Cec in high school. She was a year older and we shared the drama department. I am copying my entries from Cec in my yearbook. I will send then along for Maddie. This husky voiced, tough and soft girl like me, a little bit of boy and little bit of girl in one place. We moved through adolescence in the hallways of that section of the school. Robin is there then too. Actresses, costumes and the dressing rooms under the auditorium and in the wings of the Little Theater. When my sweet friend Tim died many years ago I wrote this poem in tribute. I feel it's very true for Cec as well. I know she was surrounded by love. When I was called on the list I was working 4pm-5am and couldn't participate. I'm so sorry that I couldn't be there. I read the emails, and cried and prayed, and everything else I could do from this perch. My huge love to you Jim (I married a Jim too 23 years ago) and Maddie anytime you want to know about your Mom in High School let me know. Here is the poem. If I could capture a snowflake I would It’s crystal beauty sparkling in my grasp Elusive, becoming liquid A river along the lifeline Leaving me without it. All my love, Valerie Landsburg findval@aol.com


Date:

14 Mar 2004

Time:

18:32:02

My Thought to Share:

I am an old high school friend of Stacey's and it was such an honor to be at Cecily's memorial yesterday. It was remarkable. I had forgotten that Cecily loved Mel Brooks movies until someone mentioned it in their tribute to her. I don't know why I rememberd that about her. It also made me recall a story she told about watching an interview with Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft in which Anne Bancroft said that after all their years of marriage she still loved hearing Mel's footsteps in the house when she was in another room. I remember as Cecily told the story what a romantic idea it was to be married and still feel that way about someone. I remember that she said she loved that people could still feel that way about eachother and what a sweet sentiment it was. It is nice to know that she had that in her life as well. I also wanted to say that my daughter was diagnosed on the high functioning/very mild autism spectrum 3 years ago. We did very aggressive early invertional therapies and today she is in kindergarten in public school and just two week ago had the special needs label removed from her file-and no more need for any of the therapies for the last year. It is a long, exhausting road but it all works. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Trish Cantillon


Date:

14 Mar 2004

Time:

23:22:06

My Thought to Share:

Although I never met Cecily Adams Beaver, I attended the memorial service at the Directors Guild. I was greatly impressed with the high regard her family, co-workers, friends and casual acquaintances held for her. The thought occurred to me, as I listened to the many speakers, that it really doesn't matter that she lived a short life. It would have been nice for her to be able to beat her illness and lived to raise her daughter Maddie with Jim. But what really matters that although she lived a short life, she made the most of it. It was almost as if she knew years and years ago that her tenure on Earth would be brief. No matter how long you live, it is what you leave behind that matters most. She left behind a body of work that will endure, fond memories to those who knew her, and, most importantly, a living legacy in Maddie. All in all, not bad. Not bad at all. My best wishes to my friend Jim and the family. - Armand Vaquer


Date:

16 Mar 2004

Time:

00:04:03

My Thought to Share:

I’m sending some pictures in case Maddie will want to see the wonderful house of her early youth. I only actually met Cecily a few times, but she and Jim were two people that I saw myself being friends with for a very long time. We bought their 1st house to start our own family because it was obviously a house of pure love (as cheesy as that sounds, it's also 100% true) and, being a complete geek, I also wanted to live in the same house as Quark's Mom. (and Jim and Maddie are ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS welcome to come back and visit their house at all hours.) Your website is incredibly touching, thank you for that. Sean Crouch.


Date:

16 Mar 2004

Time:

00:06:17

My Thought to Share:

Dear friends of Cecily... On behalf of Jim, Stacey, and Cecily's entire family, I'd like to say an additional enormous thank you to those who participated in the most amazing pot luck the west coast has ever seen. Only 5 minutes after I sent the evite, 6 people had already signed up. I was absolutely paralyzed with emotion as I kept refreshing the screen each minute to find that yet another person had signed on to bring food. Within an hour, we were up to over 30 people. I believe that the final count was 113 people on the evite list, and about 10 people who had sent me an email directly, offering to contribute. It was a phenomenal tribute to Cecily's beautiful heart that she attracted such caring friends who were able to pull off such a bounty of food and love within only 24 hours. I feel tremendously fortunate to be among her wonderful group of friends who were touched by Cecily's infectious nature. May we all be carriers and infect those we meet with Cecily's enthusiasm, passion, compassion, and unparalleled sense of humor. On that note, let me close with Cecily's typical style of humor: A while back we went to an Italian restaurant together. Cecily was starving and frantically placed our order on the WAY to our table with the special instruction of "...and hurry!!" When the waiter put the plate of spaghetti in front of her, she attacked it with a spoon, making sounds I hadn't heard since the eating frenzies in the movie the Gremlins. I turned to her and said, "Um...Cecily...why are you eating that spaghetti with a spoon??" After a few more seconds of frantic eating and Gremlin noises, she finally came up for air just long enough to say, "Because I don't have a shovel" and continued right on. With much love, and admiration for you all, David Burke (honored to call her my best friend for 25 years)


Date:

16 Mar 2004

Time:

00:08:11

My Thought to Share:

Oh, when I met Cecily we were enjoying MY GYM with Maddie and River Jordan my grandson. Cecily had a distracted look on her face but had Maddie's safety constantly in her mind. She was holding a hand to her chest in the front like something hurt. I knew about Maddie's problem and was so pleased to see her running and playing with the encouragement of Jim and Cecily. I wanted to give Cecily a hug. I was delighted to have that opportunity as we were getting ready to leave the gym. I hugged her ever so gently but her tiny frail body felt like a whisper in my arms. I felt like I could hold onto her forever without feeling tired. She seemed so sincere and even needy. None of us knew at that time that she had cancer. But I felt so fulfilled at having the chance to hug this dear lady. Virginia Greenberg Debi Derryberry's mom


Date:

16 Mar 2004

Time:

00:11:57

My Thought to Share:

I would like to send my Prayers To Cecily Adams. I have considered her my friend since I meet her at the Star Trek convention in North Orlando, Florida in March 2000. She was so pretty and very sweet. I have a signed picture of her and I'll always love her and her STAR TREK DS9 Cast Friends very much. God will take care of you, my friend. GOD BLESS YOU. Amen. Merri Whitaker


Date:

16 Mar 2004

Time:

00:14:27

My Thought to Share:

I met Cecily in 1987 . I was fairly new to California and was starting as a Casting Intern for a company Cecily already was casting at. As a novice I was kinda overwhelmed with the fast pace, egos, yelling and lingo. I didn't even know what a "side" was. Cecily helped me out so much and was so patient. She was a godsend and I took to her immediately. In fact, she was the first Casting Director I worked for as a full fledged Casting Assistant. We worked very hard alongside some extraordinary casting guys, Robert Ulrich and Eric Dawson. There were many a time we all worked late at night and sometimes into the morning. Cecily's humor carried us through and made the work fun -- we all got so silly. I worked with Cecily on many projects and she taught me so much. She was a very talented Casting Director, Actor and Coach - she was always brutally honest too. She was great with actors and exceptional with kids. She always would say how lucky she was to be with Jim -- and always consulted him when we wrote deal memos. She was so great to my daughter Logan and so supportive of my husband Andy. I lost touch with her for quite awhile when I started another venture. About two months ago I started to think of Cecily and felt the need to call her -- that's when I got the news of her illness. I'm thankful I was able to see her again. We discussed the difficulties of raising girls as they reach their tween years -- I told her she was in for a time with Maddie when she reached that age. She had her humor even in the toughest times. She just lit up when we talked about Maddie and she was so proud of the progress she was making with her speech. On Tuesday night (March 2) I had a dream that Cecily was her old self again. She was with friends joking and laughing and then she started dancing. I miss her. She was a shining star. I know she's still here though -- in Maddie and in all of us. I can honestly say I am better for knowing her. Tami Tirgrath


Date:

16 Mar 2004

Time:

00:17:50

My Thought to Share:

I knew Cecily since she was about 9 or earlier .. but had not seen her until last year at her Dad's 80th when I was fortunate enough to see her again ..she looked the same .. taller though .. wonderful baby girl with Maddie's adoring parents, Cec & Jim (got to meet him too) .. I brought my camcorder that night and have the tape .. unfortunately, not much of Cecily, Jim & Maddie .. as I was at the other end of the table .. but there is some .. I am sending a few of the photos I took .. I remember her telling me that someone stopped her when she was in Washington? (think) .. and asked her if anyone had ever told her that she looked exactly like Don Adams .. that was one of the days when she came to her Dad's office at 9255 Sunset Blvd. when we were doing various projects .. Don Adams Screen Test .. Because I was so much older than she was (age makes no difference as we age .. but did then) I did not become a good friend of hers .. though the night we saw each other .. it was like yesterday .. a loving, adoring daughter, mother, wife, friend .. Maddie .. know that she loved you sooooo very much .. you are too young to lose her and the memories won't be there for you except thru photos .. and the words of those who remember things .. but know that she was a super, super lady .. both you and your Dad (her Dad .. sisters/Mother too) were very special in her life .. Lotsa love always try to be happy .. Nancy E. Barr


Date:

16 Mar 2004

Time:

00:18:50

My Thought to Share:

I just saw the news today and just want to send my condolences. I am a Star Trek "trekkie" and have watched her performance on DS9. She was MAGNIFICENT! Also I know what you are going through as I just lost my beloved sister of 57 yrs just 1 month ago. It is very hard. God Bless your family and just know that even though she spent a very short time on this earth--she touched a lot of people's lives. God bless our Cec and God bless your family. A Fan, Jeannie


Date:

16 Mar 2004

Time:

00:20:57

My Thought to Share:

Mark, I can't imagine what Jim and Maddie are feeling now. I have a daughter about Maddie's age - her name's Aubrey. She'll be 3 in June. I know how she reacts when her mom and I are simply not in a room when she expects us to be, so this kind of loss for her is more than I can fathom. Cecily being your best friend, I guess this would be like losing your sister. I don't know what that feels like either. I with you strength and the ability to remember the best times you shared and the wonderful woman that Cecily was, and the wonderful soul that she continues to be. And remember that as men sometimes the best strength we can show is to cry for our sorrow. I wish you well and I wish Jim and Maddie peace in this tough time. All my best, Brandt


Date:

19 Mar 2004

Time:

00:33:58

My Thought to Share:

I did not know Cecily, but she was a friend of a friend (I am also a Trek fan) and I happened to find this site after I heard of her passing. I wanted to email after reading your "quality of care" memo. I am a breast cancer survivor (it has metastasised to the liver, but I am now in remission after an additional 7 rounds of chemo). There are a lot of points I would like to comment on (I am at work and supposed to be working, so I will probably miss some ;). I am very lucky with the oncology team I have found and the support team/hubby/friends I have bumped into as we/I are approaching this (after the intial 'terminal' diagnosis). In my observation, you are absolutely correct in the way cancer seems to be approached by a majority of care givers. As they are used to dealing with elderly patients they have a fatalistic/minimal intervention approach to terminal patients. It seems to be the younger patient's responsability to remind them that we (FYI, I will be 40 this year) *want* to live and are not willing to give up as readily as someone of advanced years might. I am not familiar with lung cancer (I have learned a lot by reading your site), but in my case I attribute my success (and hopefully continued success) to taking a wholistic approach (surgery/chemo/radiation/supplements/change in eating habits/more exercise/positive attitude (actually this one should probably go first)) which is something I have not seen brought up often when folks are dealing with cancer. I wish Cecily had had more time, she seemed like a neat girl. I am sorry for your loss. Odile


Date:

19 Mar 2004

Time:

14:48:56

My Thought to Share:

I am so impressed by the wonderful site you are taking care of .. My name is Nancy Barr & I worked on "Get Smart".. knew Don & Cecily since last few years of the show .. worked for Don again a couple of times on/off for 5 years or so .. was lucky enough to see Cec/Maddie/Jim at Don's 80th .. what a wonderful person she was and always will live in my heart & mind .. I am very sorry I could not be at the services .. but being in a wheelchair now its very hard for me to get around .. but I was there in spirit and now I can see/hear the voices as they spoke that day .. Take good care, Nancy Barr


Date:

19 Mar 2004

Time:

15:20:18

My Thought to Share:

Dear Cecily, I just got back from Disneyland yesterday. In a silly attempt to shake the sadness that has enveloped me since your death, I went to Disneyland for the whole day. It didn't work. My heart has been all but broken since you left us. You were too young, I really didn't think it would happen so soon, if at all, and your frail beauty would not leave my mind or my heart. I saw you last that afternoon I visited you at your casting office. I watched you cast a bit part for a waiter on some sitcom. You were so professional, so masterful in you words and actions. I was very impressed. Thank God, I told you so. I told you that you looked too thin to me, but you brushed that off as a compliment. I did NOT tell you that I love you. You would have known that I meant that in a not inappropriate way, but I still regret that I didn't tell you. I've loved you since that night in 1978 when we met at Muldoon's Restaurant in Newport Beach. You had the most beautiful hair I had ever seen. Your laugh was the most infectious I had ever known. You wrote great lyrics, and you were more than generous in your praise for my music and lyric stabs at fame. Shortly after meeting, you recorded a message on my answering machine (everyone was trying to out-clever one another then with their machine messages) with a dead-on impression of Guilda Radner's Roseanne Rosanna Danna character. I got many messages that consisted of hysterical laughter and hangups from people who had been told to call my number and listen to your amazing message. I saved it. If Maddie ever wants to hear it, it will be here for her. Speaking of Maddie. I bought her a sweet outfit of clothes about six months after her birth. Typically of a life-long habit, I never sent them. Later, embarrassed at having waited too long, I gave them away. God! I regret that. Our trip to Las Vegas that time with Howard and Jeremy was the most fun I ever had in Sin City. You made that happen. You were always so much fun to be with -- until you began losing badly! What a grouch! I have so many great, happy and wonderful memories of you. The last few times we spoke were not so happy. After talking to you for 45 minutes one night, you burst into sobs as you recanted a night in Palm Springs when you had a major row with your father. I was crushed for days after that call. You always deserved only love and support and happiness. You seldom got it, it seemed. I sat through your memorial service without a tear until your father, aged and frail was helped to the podium to speak of you. He was funny as one might expect. But his heart was broken, and it showed. He admitted to his short-comings as a father. But he said that he loved you, Cecily, and I believed him. As I wrote here today, I wondered why I couldn't shake you or the thought of you from my mind. And now, I wonder why I would want to. For however long I might have left to live, I will carry your joy and your beauty and your laughing voice in my heart forever. I love you Cecily Adams. I hope you're happy wherever you are now. I pray that you know how incredibly you were loved by so many, many people. Bill Courtright -- Palm Springs

I will write more about Cecily for Maddie's book. She meant a great deal to my life. She never knew how much. Now, I will give anything I can to Maddie. I was overwhelmed at how many people loved her so deeply. That was what I left the memorial service with. It astonished me. And I truly understood, for the first time, that it is really ONLY how you affect others during your life that truly matters in the end. Cecily moved us all. I will never forget her, and will miss her always. Thanks, Bill


Date:

19 Mar 2004

Time:

18:26:21

My Thought to Share:

Mark. You really are a super friend to Cecily from all that I read .. I see how close you were to Cec ... soooo sad .. really is .. doctor should be sued along w/hospital .. but it is sooo hard to do .. tried to do it when my Mom died .. total screw up there too .. did get the doctor/hosptial reported to the Massachusetts medical association .. best I could do .. but those things should be done .. to warn others .. IF I can do anything .. please let me know .. Nancy


Date:

20 Mar 2004

Time:

01:10:11

My Thought to Share:

I was so saddened to learn of Cecily's passing. I always admired her portrayal of Moggie, as being both a fine example of Star Trek's continued examination of the Human condition, and the Jewish tradition of bringing justice to the world. May her memory always be a blessing.


Date:

20 Mar 2004

Time:

03:15:34

My Thought to Share:

I did a cameo in "Get Smart Again!" as Cecily's husband in a restaurant scene. It was the first time I'd ever met the lady and we spend the day together shooting the sequence, as well as the background shots... so we talked a lot throughout. She was a kind, giving person. Absolutely lovely, with wonderful stories to share about herself and growing up with a famous father. She proudly displayed her heritage by being truly funny. After they wrapped, Don invited me to join them at dinner and there was much talk of her impending marriagae to a wonderful man. I am so sorry about this unfair loss, but remain convinced that all the goodness left behind by a precious human being can never, never be extinguished. Love, Alan Spencer.


Date:

22 Mar 2004

Time:

12:02:12

My Thought to Share:

My wife, Jennifer, and I met Jim and Cecily in 2001, when she was attending a Grand Slam convention in Pasadena. She, along with other cast members from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, were the last group to go on stage on Sunday. As it turns out, everybody stayed to sign autographs. We met Cecily during the autograph session. She was such a great sport about having to stay late to sign photos. As it turned out, she was so popular, she ran out of photos and Jim had to run home to get more photos. We stayed and talked to her until Jim showed up. She stayed until at least 9:30 that night. She made the whole weekend worthwhile. What a great person and great actress. We will always cherish that time that we met her and it will always be the highlight of our weekend. She seemed to be such a great person and I know she will be missed. God Bless your family. Cecily will not be forgotten! Daryl and Jennifer Curtis, Bakersfield, CA.


Date:

23 Mar 2004

Time:

17:14:27

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

March 16, 2004 Oh, Ceco, I wish that you could have been there in the flesh with Maddie today at MY GYM, (I have to specify "in the flesh" these days in lamenting about how I wish you were here right now, since invariably well-intentioned people immediately stop me to remind that you ARE here --- all around us --- seeing everything. Of course it lifts my spirit to know that … but somehow it stops me from expressing how much I wish you were here in your Earthly form. But if you are in a better place, then I guess that's just a selfish wish on my part). Maddie is so, so beautiful; I can just see that huge beaming grin that you break out into whenever she comes into your view. One of the instructors who had been away for a number of weeks came up to her with his face lit in joy --- as is always the case whenever anyone sees your beautiful baby --- and said "Maddie Beaver. I can't believe how much you've grown. I remember your very first day here, when all you would do is run all over the place. Now you're practically all grown up."  I remember that first day, Cec. I'd been babysitting in the afternoon, and when you got home I mentioned that Maddie seemed unchallenged with her toys. That observation worked you up into a fever pitch as you immediately whisked us all to MY GYM right away. And it was then that you found that Maddie had trouble socially. She wouldn't sit in the circle or interact with anyone. She ran around, in your own words, "like a wild animal." You were destroyed, and determined to help her socially … I think you knew then that she would need special attention, although it was still a while until the formal diagnosis. And I remember your tears at Maddie's 2nd birthday party, held at one of those GYM-type places. Maddie just seemed to be in her own world. The autism spectrum diagnosois had been made just weeks before. That was last August 19th, 2003. But because of all the therapy that you put in place after that, Ceco, as well as the endless work you did with Maddie at home, that all seems and feels like a lifetime ago. Your daughter is so together less than eight months later. She is a beautiful, thoughtful, gracious young woman. She will say "hello" to the other children (sure, with some prompting), and much to my amazement today, I realized that she was actually the most developed kid in her class. She's one of the few who will proudly announce her name out loud: "Maddie-the-Pooh" (she loves to get a big laugh --- now who does she take after, I wonder?). And she has no fear of being alongside other kids, though she still has a slight tendency to keep to herself. But nothing at all like before. I don't know if she should stay in the same class ... where she is actually the oldest, or move up a rung … where she would be the youngest. I wish you were here to figure it all out Cec. Your instincts and judgment were always so right-on about everything, (even if slightly overprotective … but then who would have expected otherwise of you? You wanted to be certain that Maddie had absolutely every advantage --- you always described her as "perfect." You always kept asking me, "Mark, do you really love my baby?" It made you so proud whenever anyone told you how much they loved Maddie). I'm trying to help her get more into the habit of looking at me when we speak, still not her strong point. When she turns her head after a second, I'll gently place my finger on her cheek to indicate the desired direction, and I'll say, "Maddie … you have such beautiful eyes. Can I look at your eyes while we speak?" Sometimes it helps. And she is so loving and affectionate, a reflection of how you and Jim have always been with her. She loves to hug, kiss, tickle, have her tummy blown (if you blow on her cheek, she has this compulsive need to request that the other cheek also be blown upon … I wonder where she inherited a compulsive quality from?), and she really likes to rub noses. And if you make a point of asking to look into her beautiful eyes, she'll smile and lean in towards you, eye-ball to eye-ball. Oh Cecpool (I haven't called you that in a while), you'd be taking such delight. And although I would have automatically loved your baby because you are so dear to me, I love Maddie 100% because of who she is. She has your same spirit, Cec. Your same soul. And she's even showing initial signs of healthy stubbornness. She's you're daughter in every sense of the word.  You know, I don't even think of Maddie as some sort of "new incarnation" of you. She is so much her own person. But I do think about you all of the time I'm with Maddie, visualizing the love you always gave her … taking what you had learned from the therapists and continuing it at home for every remaining hour of the day. I'd try to do it too, (with you directing, of course), and I'd burn out in 15 minutes. But you always had the patience of a Saint. There is something so, so special that you instilled in Maddie in her first two years of life. The person who Maddie is and will always continue to be is what you and Jim gave to her in that crucial timeframe. You know, Uncle Russell says that unfortunately because Maddie is under age 3, when an adult she won't actually remember in her own mind any of the stuff from this time period, even though right now she still asks "Where's Moma?" I know that was one of your great fears; that Maddie wouldn't even be able to remember you. But all of us will make sure that she knows everything, Cec, once Jim has decided how to handle explaining things to her. I have so many hours of beautiful video of you and Maddie, especially of when you were finally able to have Maddie on your knee again and to read to her, once your new doctor had found a way to treat your pain. And I've asked all your close family and friends to write their story about you that we can bind into a biography of you for Maddie to have. And sad though it may be right now, the video of the Tribute to you held at the DGA will be as insightful as practically anything could ever be. Your sister Chris sent me an e-mail and summed up everything very well: she said that when she was in emotional distress, it was you that she'd call. Yesterday Cathy called me and said the same thing: that you'd be on a plane within 45 minutes of getting her call. And that's the hell of it for me too. It's a catch 22. I so desperately miss you, mourn your loss, grieve for you absence "in the flesh,": and yet the person that I feel the desperate need to be turning to for comfort is you --- although you would ultimately say to me "Mark, you're looking for someone to save you. You have to find your happiness from within." And while that may very well be a psychological truth, I was sure happier having you to tell me that, and to have your shoulder to cry on. You always understood, were always there for me, and never made me feel like you were giving me a token moment of your time.  Well, this was just supposed to be about Maddie … so I guess I should close by saying that after MY GYM I took her to see your Mom --- both Maddie and your Mom had such a loving time together. And I promise that if I ever end up discovering independent wealth, I'll even get your Mom the house that you wanted to get her in Studio City so that she could be near Maddie --- without you two tormenting each other by actually trying to live together under the same roof. And at the very least, (wealth aside), I'm keeping my eyes on an affordable used i-Mac for your Mom --- I know how much you desperately wanted to get her one until financial concerns put it on hold. You know that I'll always do anything on your behalf that I know you wanted to get done, Cec. If I've forgotten anything, just come to me in a dream and remind me. Please. Jim seems physically well, and gives the appearance of being ok on the outside. He is in a more "take charge" mode than I've ever seen him. I don't think it comes instinctively for him, so I know how proud you'd be of the way he is handling everything. As much as I grieve your loss, Cec --- and will every day forever --- I sense the unspoken anguish inside Jim to be beyond my comprehension. God he loves you so much. And he's going to do a great job of raising Maddie. He even reiterated in his nightly e-mail an open invitation to people to call to come visit himself and Maddie, in an effort to combat his tendency to be hermit-like --- though like you, he is carrying on your fine tradition of discouraging "surprise visits". It brings a smile to my face to remember the handful of times that I might have shown up at your doorstep in years gone by because I was nearby, only to be met with you greeting me with: "What are you doing here? Why didn't you call first?"  I'd give anything to hear those words from you right now. Even your grouchiest gripe would play like beautiful music to me. (You know, somewhere I actually have a recording that I once put together of all of the gripes you made during a 2-hour ADR session. Just the edited griping between takes ran for 10 minutes alone! I had always meant to find it and play it for you.) You'd also be really proud of Stacey. She is carrying herself so well under all of the emotional pressure. I love and care about her so much that I will always be there for her the way you would be … the expression CecilyAndStacey has always been like just a single word for me. And yet right now, she's actually the one who is shouldering me … she calls every day to see that I'm ok. And when I hear her voice I immediately see the glow that would come into your face whenever Stacey would come over. I know how much you loved her, and how uplifted it made you to spend time with her. She's going to be ok too, although none of us will ever have you out of our thoughts --- ever. You will never be alone Cec. Well, I guess I should let you get back to work Cec. St. Peter must be having anxiety attacks since you've taken over reorganizing.  I will always love and cherish you until my dying day, my dearest friend --- "friend" sounds so trite. I recall when you were once telling me in the dressing room of ACME which things you needed me to carry for you, and when I had my arms full of cases and wardrobe, one of the actresses turned to you and, referring to me, asked: "How do I get one of those?" So I guess you and I are just "one of those."  I Love You, Ceco, Mark PS - Please give my Dad a big hug and send my love. I guess there's something to be said for having an "inside" connection. Now I'm off for another good cry and a shot of Gin --- maybe two … I figure I'm entitled --- Russell's grief recovery workshop isn't for another month yet, though I'm reading his book. It's the revised edition of the book you gave to me after my dad passed away. That somehow makes it all feel like a nice, circular connection of love and caring.


Date:

26 Mar 2004

Time:

18:37:18

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Dear Cec --- I know that you didn't want us to mention you in front of Maddie when you were in the Hospital, figuring that it might upset her in some way by pointing out your absence from the house, but you'll be glad to know that you are still very much a presence for her ... though it's kind of bittersweet right now. A short time ago I introduced a friend to Maddie, and Maddie asked "Is he Mama's friend too?" And I heard that just a few days ago someone was commenting about a bruise on Maddie's leg (I know that you must be panicked to hear that your baby has a bruise, but she's perfectly ok Cec ... I promise you.) Maddie was asked if she had a boo-boo, and Maddie replied "Only Mama has a boo-boo." We all love you Cec. Mark.


Date:

30 Mar 2004

Time:

02:04:02

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Subj: Wonderful Maddie Jim, in the rush I forgot to mention: Today in the waiting room at therapy, Maddie said hello to a little girl, then gave her a hug and a kiss (while saying "hug"; "kiss"). Later when a little boy came in and his mother told him to say hi to Maddie, Maddie stood up, said hi, and gave him a hug and a kiss (same dialog). It was a spiritual thing to watch, having witnessed Maddie's history over this past year. You'd have been so proud, Jim, and I know that Ceco was beaming. At that moment, Jim, Cecily was truly 'happy'! Count on it. Mark.


Date:

02 Apr 2004

Time:

23:39:34

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Dear Jim, Maddie and Mark, My husband and I are..well Trekkies. We went to a convention a few years ago here in Florida and Cecily was there with the Ferengi's in tow. It was a wonderful time. I will never forget Cecily's graciousness or the twinkle and giggles that she couldn't contain when she learned that our beloved Shih tzu is named Moogie. From the dedication site and the words written I think we named her perfectly. She is sweet, kind, ferociously loving and never takes no for an answer! Kinda sound's like her name sake. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and thank you for sharing her life with us all. She is missed greatly but will forever be, our Moogie! Love, Heather and Ben Kelly


Date:

05 Apr 2004

Time:

20:54:47

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Dear Jim, You don't know me. Cecily didn't know me, either. But for the past 5 months, I have been "fostering" Heidi. I thought it important for you to know that Heidi is thriving. It was rough at first, mainstreaming her into my home. You see, I have 7 other cats so you can only imagine how overwhelmed Heidi was at first. But, with time and lots of lap time with her foster mom, she has come a long way. She plays and "talks" to me and isn't quite as quick to "yell" at the other cats if they get too close to her or if they surprise her. She is a wonderful cat; but then, I don't have to tell you that. She has a marvelous sense of humor. I feel blessed to have in my home. And, although I never knew your beloved Cecily, I think of her everytime I look at Heidi. This will sound crazy, but I think that Heidi when Cecily had passed on. That morning when I got up, Heidi was running around the place, playing, twitching her tail, chasing golf balls and other objects. I believe that she knew Cecily had gone and that she was no longer in such terrible pain. Call me insane. Others have. But, I've lived with cats all my life and if there was a way to prove it, I would. Anyway, my thoughts are never far from you, Maddie, Stacey and all who loved Cecily. The memorial service was one of the most wonderful gatherings that I've ever attended - afterwards, I felt so much closer to Cecily and had a much better understanding of just how marvelous she was, and still is. To be loved so much by so many people is such a tribute to her soul. My best to you and your family, Jim. Sincerely, Margaret (and Heidi)


Date:

08 Apr 2004

Time:

14:12:29

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

The depth of your grief is overwhelming to me, and i have experianced that kind of grief before. You are amazing in your atemps to put into words your feelings, and i feel your pain so personally. I didn't get the pleasure of knowing your wife and in that i grieve. I want you to know you something and i don't know if this will help at all. But although you couldn't save her from death; you did save her to a degree. By the time i read all of your entries i felt a deep kindship to her and felt i always knew her. Everyone who has and will read all what you wrote cannot help but feel the same. In that way you have secured her survival, and i thank you for the very personal moments in your life that you shared with me and others. I feel so touched and know that i am thinking of you and maddie and wishing you both well in your time of grief. You have a beautiful little girl and she looks so much like her mother. Respectfully, Debra Samys boneylass@aol.com


Date:

08 Apr 2004

Time:

14:48:48

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

It's still so strange to think of the world turning without Cecily here. Every time I focus on her, I lose my breath. It's like a sudden jolt of panic. What amazing humor she had. I've never laughed so hard with anyone in my entire life. David.


Date:

21 Apr 2004

Time:

10:12:52

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Every little girl needs a Jim for a daddy...every woman needs a Jim for a partner. Hugs and love, Dottie


Date:

13 May 2004

Time:

03:54:06

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Cec - your letter to Maddie written last October is so incredibly beautiful and moving ... even if painful. I can hear your voice exactly as you speak each word with such special love and emotion, for I so often saw and heard firsthand your demonstrative expressions of love for your daughter. In fact, I have never seen such a flow of joy between a Mother and child. The last time that you and Maddie saw each other was when I brought Maddie up to your room just before Maddie's bedtime, even though you had told me earlier that you weren't feeling well enough. I figured you'd forgive me for not listening. I will never forget the instant that you both saw one another: that huge grin of pure love and joy on your face, and Maddie trying with such force to leap out of my arms towards you that I was afraid she'd fall. Sometimes I feel that most of my tears are more for what has been taken from you and Maddie together than even for my own personal pain of loss. If there were any possible way that I could have traded my own life so that you could have finished raising your little girl, you already know that I'd have done it in an instant. It is hard to reconcile all these events ... perhaps some day clarity will arrive for me. I miss you every moment of every day, Cec. Love, Mark.


Date:

15 May 2004

Time:

01:15:59

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

I went to the web site and listened to the memorial speeches. They really touched me. You were all very lucky to be able to spend so much time with Cec. The most amazing thing that struck me was all the private jokes she could create with people. From high school, Cec and I had hundreds of them. She could turn a simple comment into a running joke for years. It seems that Cec was able to do this with all her friends. I think all her friends felt connected to Cec because of that, and Cec could remember each running joke. I used to test her to see if she would remember very obscure ones. She would remember them without any hesitation. Even better than myself and I have an excellent memory. There isn't a day when Cec doesn't haunt me in one form or another. I know she must be enjoying all the little nooges she sends me! I really miss her too. Fran.


Date:

31 May 2004

Time:

14:25:41

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Hi Cec. I miss you terribly. I wanted you to know tht I saw Maddie yesterday, (God how much she's grown since you saw her last), and she asked "Where's Daddy." I replied that he'd be back soon. Then she asked "Where's Mommy?" You are very much a part of your little girl's thoughts. There are many photos of you up around the house, and when the time is right there are hours of videos of you and Maddie to be viewed. And so many people to answer her questions. She will always know you, Cec. And she will always love you as much as you have loved her. You are still a part of all of us, Cec. We all love you. M.


Date:

21 Jun 2004

Time:

20:50:48

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Dear Maddie, I sent this note to your Aunts and Uncles today. I think that someday it is something that you'll be interested to know. Love, Mark. >>>>>>>>>>> "I had my every-6-months visit with my MD Shrink today. I told her of the trauma of the death of my dearest friend from lung cancer. When I mentioned the name "Cecily", it was as if a lightbulb had gone on over her head. She told me that many of her patients were despondent over the death of Cecily Adams --- she'd never seen anything quite like it; I answered "Like an epidemic?" and she replied affirmatively. Apparently many of her patients went to Cecily's memorial service, and needed to come in to talk with her about their sense of loss. She said it was as if all of these otherwise unrelated patients of hers had a common deep feeling of love for Cecily, and that although she herself had never met Cec, Cec seems to have made everyone feel very special."


Date:

01 Jul 2004

Time:

03:35:29

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Hi Maddie. You had your first black eye today --- at MY GYM. I arrived just as you were bursting out into tears. You grabbed onto me for consolation, and asked me to kiss the "ouchee" to make it better. Then, after our weekly Chinese dinner with Uncle Russell and Max-The-Dog, you walked to the DVD store next door, peered through the window and said "I want to buy a movie." So we went in and picked up the "Elmo Takes A Bath" DVD. You are the nicest little girl in the world --- your Mama would be just as proud of you as I know that your Daddy is. And now that you can converse, I am able to ask you what it is that you are looking at when you sometimes stare off into space. You'll answer "the car" or "the man." In a way, it is much more comforting being able to exchange such information. I love you very much, uncle Marky.

 


Date:

10 Jul 2004

Time:

05:07:51

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Hi Cec --- here's an e-mail that I sent to Jim tonight that I figure will bring you some joy: Maddie came up with the best line of all time today in the park. We were doing the thing that Cec created where we pretend to tickle each other and fake laugh, then Maddie said "cry" and began to fake cry, so I said "I can cry too" and began to fake cry. When I did, she turned to me and said: "Marky, don't cry. Be happy." What a kid you've got there. :-) Mark.


Date:

26 Jul 2004

Time:

05:11:25

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Hi Maddie. Tonight your Daddy told the following story in his nightly e-mail to friends and family: "Tonight I was telling Maddie the story of Three Bears, and though she usually listens attentively, this time she started extemporizing her own version of the story, throwing in new plot lines in the middle of my narrative, until I finally stopped telling and just asked her, "Then what happened?"  And she told me.  There seems to be a fairly strong Winnie-the-Pooh influence, as the interwoven plotlines of the four main characters all exhibited a strong relationship to the climbing of trees in search of honey.  Even Goldilocks climbed trees in search of honey." I sent your Daddy an e-mail back telling him about you exploits in the park after our Friday lunchtime pizza, (which I get from Leonore's health food restaurant; the cheese is soy --- it's the only restaurant that your Moma ever approved of you eating at): "In the park Maddie will ask me to help her climb a tree, so I'll lift her onto a tree while holding her butt. She wraps her legs around the tree to stay steady, and then reaches as high as she can to get the honey from the baby bumble bees. Then once she has it, she will give me some and goes running over to Maribel and Debbie to share it with them. Maddie is the most amazingly creative, theatrical and generous kid that I've ever encountered." Love, Uncle Mark. PS - you made my day on Friday when out of the blue you just said to me "I love you, Marky."


Date:

03 Aug 2004

Time:

02:01:05

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Hi Maddie. You know, your Dad has written so many moving e-mails to family and friends every night since your Mom first got sick, that it is impossible to pick out any one e-mail that stands above the others. But there were elements contained in tonight's e-mail that I know will someday be especially important to you, so here it is: "This morning Maddie had a three-hour assessment by the school district. All through it I missed Cec so much, partly because she would have loved to have seen Maddie's progress and the fine impression our daughter made on the assessors. But partly I missed her because no fact of Maddie's life escaped Cec, and the assessors asked all kinds of questions I couldn't provide answers for. They wanted to know when Maddie first sat up, first walked, first spoke. I could provide little more than "oh, a couple of years ago sometime." Cec would have said, "She first sat up at 2:30 p.m. on Tuesday, February 16, 2002." She might have had to look it up in one of the journals she kept on Maddie's development, but she'd have had the information at hand. If I knew where those journals were, I could go in and tell you what Maddie had for lunch on that date. Today did not allow me to feel like a good mother, at least as Cec would have defined it. And in so many ways, Cec did define it. Yes, she was neurotic and obsessive, but with Maddie those were just extreme forms of determination and devotion. In my refrigerator freezer, there's a little bottle of frozen milk. It's the last of the hundreds and hundreds of bottles of breast milk Cec pumped and saved for Maddie after Maddie proved unable to breastfeed. Cec had been so sickly when young, and none too free from sickness as an adult, and she was so determined to give Maddie a good immune system. Every doctor Cec ever told, and the doctor I told today, was astonished that when it became impossible for Maddie to breastfeed, Cec pumped her breast milk at least a half dozen times a day, so that Maddie could have the immune system benefits of mother's milk. She stored up excess, which she froze, so that Maddie could have the milk even after Cec had to stop making it. Only women who have done it, and the men who have been in their lives at the time, have any idea what an ordeal such an effort is. Every three to four hours, around the clock, she had a twenty-minute pumping session, even while working full-time. The only job I had was to clean the bottles and the pump equipment, and I thought I had died and gone to hell for those seven months. I had it by far easier. She was a rock, my Cecily. A rock to make Gibraltar look like egg-drop soup. And that one last bottle in my freezer reminds me, every time I see it. The assessors today were trying to determine Maddie's vocabulary and enunciation. They showed her some toys and asked her to name them. She did pretty well with a cow and a ball and even a yo-yo. Then they put a little yellow toy vehicle with big knobby tires in front of her and said, "What's that?" Maddie stared at it and said nothing. They asked again. Still nothing. With slightly raised eyebrows, one of the assessors said to the other one in a whisper, "I guess it's just too much for her, to say 'truck.'" Maddie looked at her and said, "It's not a truck, it's a bulldozer." You know, even if she was a tantrum-throwing, snotty little brat, I'd love her. But this? This is a piece of cake. Angel food."


Date:

12 Aug 2004

Time:

02:04:05

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Hi Cec. I was watching a clip of video last night of you and Maddie, shot last December. Boy how she has grown. And how much I miss you. I took Maddie for our weekly Chinese dinner after MY GYM tonight. Uncle Russell and Max-The-Dog joined us. This Sunday is Maddie's 3rd birthday party, and Jim has set it up at the same Gymbouree place as last year (that seems like years ago, now). At dinner I asked Maddie if I could come to her birthday party. She answered "Yes," then added "maybe Mommy will come." You are still always in her thoughts Cec. Maddie loves you, now and always. As do the rest of us. xoxo Mark. PS - Thanks for visiting me in my dream last night. I actually woke up feeling OK. Maybe I should watch a clip of video of you every night, so that you come to visit. Be well, and try not to give St. Peter such a hard time. :-)


Date:

16 Aug 2004

Time:

00:42:13

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Hi Maddie. Your third birthday party today was wonderful. Hopefully the Castle Bouncer that I got for you will arrive later this week. Your Aunt Stacey had to be out of town, so I wrote her the following about your party: Maddie's party was wonderful ... we have 17 hours of video. Maddie was 180 degrees from the way she was last year at this time --- I remember Cec crying through much of it. Of course Cec's absence was very obvious this year. Her cake had Winniw-the-Pooh on it it, of course. Interestingly, back at home Maddie played on and off in the afternoon with the Merry-Go-Round that Cec gave her for Christmas. I said "That was your present" and she immediately said "from Christmas." She has told me in the past that it was from Mama ... I don't think it was an accident that it was special to her today. Just a few days ago she said of her party today "maybe Mommy will come."


Date:

26 Aug 2004

Time:

01:42:04

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Hello my darling Maddie. This is a copy of an e-mail I sent to your Daddy tonight. Some day this information may be valuable to you in trying to work through your childhood feelings. Love, Marky. ------------- Hi Jim. I'm glad that you arrived in time for the Chinese dinner. There is such joy in Maddie when you guys are together. It was a really nice event. I didn't have a chance to debrief you on some questions that Maddie asked me. We were watching a "Baby Genius"-type video while waiting for Russell. It was one I'd never seen before ... a "Baby Genius"-type tape. Maddie had requested the "Cat and Dog" tape, and at first we couldn't figure out what she was talking about. Then Lanie found a VHS jacket with "Cat and Dog" written on a blackboard in the cover picture. At one point the image became one of a woman with a baby; a voice-over announced "MOMMY." Maddie asked me "Where is MY Mommy?" She was not agitated, but she was firmly puzzled and really asked like she seemed to want an answer. It didn't seem a whistful question in passing --- it was like she was genuinely using the opportunity presented by the video to ask something with firm intent. That was my gut feeling, anyway. I answered just as I have on the handful of occasions that anything has come up in the past; with what you once quoted in an e-mail. I said gently: "You know that she had to go away, darling." Maddie then really surprised me, since I've never experienced a follow-up question. "Where did she go?" I continued: "Mommy didn't want to go, because she loved you so very much." And then Maddie just blew me away: "But where did she go?" with an emphasis on the word "go," like maybe I just wasn't getting the point of her question. I fought back emotion and felt that the only appropriate way to answer was to say "I don't know, darling. That's something to ask Daddy." So, there you have it. Maddie is really growing up fast. And once in school --- based on seeing and hearing my nieces --- it is amazing how quickly they learn stuff. I do not envy the task you face, and the even more delicate question of when the right time is. On the one hand she wants an answer and it is clearly very, very much on her mind, and yet on the other hand how would she ever understand now? My eldest niece first learned about this stuff when a pet fish at pre-school died. Before that, she wouldn't have understood. It was not all that long after that she confronted Billy with the question of where my Dad was. Bill, of course, didn't answer too definitively at that time. Bill and I both thought, though, that Juliet actually had figured it out by then (I think she was 4 1/2) and was just testing Bill for confirmation. But he didn't want to "call" that question. Then one day as a 5 1/2 year-old, Juliet announced at dinner: "I figured out where your Daddy is ... he died." Talk about being bowled over. And of course at that point, the 3 year-old, Amanda, now knew about it too ... even though I don't think that at age 3 she really understood it the way Juliet did. (BTW: Both kids always ask about Maddie, and they also always ask how Cecily is feeling. We are still facing that question too.) Mark.


Date:

01 Sep 2004

Time:

02:48:13

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Dear Cec --- Today Maddie kind of caught Jim by surprise when she asked him "Do you miss Mommy?" I too was taken aback. Jim answered "Yes I do. We ALL miss Mommy." Then tonight, Jim sent out details in his nightly e-mail to family and friends of what happened later on: She also suddenly, unexpectedly, started asking questions about her mom. She asked "Where is Mommy?" I told her Mommy had to go away, that she had to go even though she didn't want to. Maddie then asked, "But WHERE did she go?" I told her I didn't know. (There are clear psychological guidelines against telling a child this age that "Mommy's gone to Heaven.") I told her Mommy got sick with cancer and she died. She doesn't know what it means now, but when she does learn what it means, it will not require changing my story later. And since she doesn't know what it means, it means it has no trauma quotient for her. We just talk about the fact that Mommy loved her very much and wanted to stay with her, but couldn't. We've gone through this before, but today, she asked a lot of questions. Nothing about it seemed troubling to her. She just seemed curious about it, and seemed to miss her mommy. After her questions, she said, "Let's go in the living room and see her." There are two framed photos of Cec on the mantel and a large poster-sized photo on the wall, still there where I left it after the memorial service. Maddie asked questions about Cec, looking at the pictures. I told her Mommy was beautiful, just like Maddie, and that she looked like her mommy. She pointed to a picture taken around Maddie's first birthday, with Cec holding a bald Maddie, both of them grinning so delightedly. Maddie said, "Tha's when I was little. I didn't talk then. I didn't hab no hair." It was bittersweet. We got through it, okay.


Date:

08 Sep 2004

Time:

01:55:50

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Hi Maddie, I sent the following e-mail tonight to your family and close friends: -------- I was really, really missing Cec today, and was grateful that an unscheduled visit took place: because it was too hot out for the park, Maddie and Maribel popped in to say hello, and we watched videos from Maddie's recent birthday party. Maddie was delighted to relive the whole event --- especially the part where everyone sings happy birthday to her. We made plans to have dinner at the nearby Leonore's Restaurant, the only Cecily-approved dining facility for Maddie. It was all so impromtu that Jim couldn't join us, but we promised to bring him back some pizza. Back at the Casa Beaver before leaving for dinner, Maddie dropped Henry the Octopus on the floor, and pronounced that Henry was hurt. I offered to give Henry a kiss, but it was apparently much too serious for over-the-counter medicine. Maddie told me that Henry needed to go to the hospital right away to see the Doctor. I asked where the hospital was, and while taking me by the hand Maddie informed me that the hospital was in her "Jumper" outside (an inflatable Castle that has an inflated floor, and which resides in the front yard). We arrived at the Jumper, only to find the Doctor (Ernie from Sesamie Street) laying down ... literally --- asleep on the job. Maddie was uncertain that treatment could take place under such circumstances, but I reached in and sat him upright --- apparently correcting the problem. At that point Maddie scurried inside the hospital with her patient --- a week ago she was terrified to go in the thing. She grabbed Dr. Ernie, who immediately kissed Henry the Octopus to make him better. Maddie was then given the option of bringing Henry to dinner, but announced that Henry had to stay in the hospital. Maddie then had two huge slices of Pizza at Leonore's Restaurant, and made small talk with virtually every patron in the place. When we returned from dinner, Henry was released from the hospital and into Maddie's custody. Maddie then ran in the front door, excitedly announcing at the top of her lungs to Daddy that she brought home a slice of Pizza for him! (To see Maddie race into her Daddy's arms is wonderful; it is like a magnet brought near a piece of metal). Cec would be so unspeakably euphoric at how Maddie is doing, and how well Jim has kept it all running. Mark :-)


Date:

08 Sep 2004

Time:

22:43:12

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Dear Cec - Tonight I was taking videos of Maddie and her friend River after dinner. I said "Maddie, can you hug River?" Maddie turned to him and said in a strong voice "Kiss me, River." He ran away and she chased him! xo Mark


Date:

27 Sep 2004

Time:

 

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

 

Hi Maddie, I sent this note to your Aunt Stacey: Last night Maddie looked at the ceiling fan in the livingroom, and it apparently triggered a memory of the ceiling fan in the house that Cec, Jim and Maddie stayed in last fall for 2 months. While looking at the fan Maddie mentioned that "there was a ceiling fan in Mommy's house," and she added that "Mommy slept." I just answered "Mommy had to sleep a lot because she had a boo-boo, but she loved you more than anyone in the world."

 


Date:

02 Oct 2004

Time:

 

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

 

Maddie, another note sent to Aunt Stacey:   Had pizza-in-the-park with Maddie today. It is amazing to contrast the total emptiness in life that I feel with Cec gone, with the joy during those couple of times a week when I am with Maddie for a few hours. I both love Maddie, and feel a close connection to Cec knowing that I am contributing in any way to the baby that was the major thing that really mattered to Cec in life. And Maddie has so much affection to give anyone she meets that the energy could light the National Christmas Tree.   -----------

One night at our Vitellos dinner Maddie dragged me by the hand to take her into the back room, where a Piano Player plays and sings. He played a suite of songs for Maddie to sing, such as Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Old McDonald, and the crowd joined in singing with Maddie as I held her up beside the piano. The pianist is an older gentleman, and absolutely cherished the enormous hug that Maddie gave him afterwards [Cec must no doubt be grimacing about all the germs Maddie may be picking up from hugging everyone :-) ].    ---------

Maddie is incredibly funny and clever. Today she was rolling in the dirt saying repeatedly "I'm an Oinkee." This is in addition to frequently being Pooh Bear, and sometimes a Monkey (complete with monkey sounds). She loves to climb every tree in sight (to get Honey from the bee hive to share with everyone), and is completely devil-may-care swinging from the bar in the park, then using her hands to move all the way across to the other side (with some adult support, more out of my own fear of her falling), and then sliding down the pole at the far end, (Cec would be panicked, but beaming).   ------------ 

Maddie's transition to using pronouns is 100% complete --- it happened virtually overnight a couple of months or so back. I think that her year of speech therapy placed all the info in her brain, and then when the last few neurons necessary connected, she became fully functional in one instant in time. There is no question that Cec's aggressive early start of therapy has paid off. (I know of parents with "slow" kids whose doctors tell them to wait until the kid is 4 to decide if therapy is necessary). And even when she was ill, Cec supervised behavioral therapy at home from her bedside.    -------------

Maddie said that she had fun at school yesterday. According to Maribel there are 4 kids in the class at the moment --- 3 boys and Maddie. And 2 teachers. Maribel said that the teachers are very good with Maddie, and that Maddie loves the playground at the school. Jim apparently took pictures, so maybe I can put some up on the web.  -------------

Maribel's kids have become virtual brother/sisters to Maddie. It sounds very much like Cec's relationship with Ida's family as a kid.    ---------

Maddie continues to absolutely gorge herself on pasta  (with tomato sauce) at the Tuesday night dinner at Vitellos (after MY GYM - all are welcome to join us), and pizza-in-the-park on Fridays (3 slices today!).   ----------

Maddie's official trip to the zoo is now scheduled for Saturday October 9th. I don't think she is quite prepared for what she will find --- she speaks of a "zoo" in terms of the local "petting zoo" at the Farmers Market. She has seen the San Diego Zoo video a zillion times on TV, but probably will have a revelation at how big those Elephants are in person. :-)  Mark.

 


Date:

08 Oct 2004

Time:

 

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

 

Hi Maddie, You had a new Nannie named Sara for a week while Maribel wasn’t feeling well  ---   here’s what I e-mailed your Daddy:  Hi Jim -

 

Maddie was very good with Sara (and vice versa). And Maddie's friend Lili (in the park) was there, played with Maddie, and even had some pizza. I suggested that Sara make a general list for you of food that she thought needs to be bought in order for her to feed Maddie in the house. (I also suggested that she ask you for a typed list of immediate phone numbers to call in case of emergency). Maddie asked once where Maribel was, and I said that she was home because she wasn't feeling well ... that I thought she had some frogs in her throat; at which point Maddie did a fake cough and let a frog escape from her mouth :-) . Mark. PS - Sara said that when they got home, Maddie kept saying that she wanted to give Daddy his pizza. :-) 

 


Date:

17 Oct 2004

Time:

04:10:15

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Hi Maddie. Here is an e-mail that I just sent out to your family members: The get-together with Maddie is on for noon on Sunday at Maddie, Jim and Cec's house come RAIN OR SHINE. It doesn't really matter whether Maddie actually gets to a Carnival, or the Zoo, or any other place. It's all about Maddie spending Sunday afternoon with the people who love her; the people who will someday tell her all about her mother. Of course not everyone will always be able to attend every Sunday, but hopefully there will be enough interest to try to keep Sunday a family day for Maddie for as long as it fits into her schedule. Last week I was watching a Winnie the Pooh cartoon with Maddie, and she said to me: "Piglet is sad." I asked why, and she replied "He doesn't have his Mommy." And today we were playing with Maddie's Madeline doll, and I asked in an upbeat voice "Is Madeline (the doll) a happy girl?" Maddie answered "No, she's sad." I asked why, and Maddie replied "She needs her Mommy." Jim is the most loving father going. I have never seen such a special bond between father and daughter, and Jim has put together an amazingly loving environment for Maddie 24/7. Her 3 nannies are all wonderful, and very giving and caring. But Maddie is deeply aware of the loss of Cecily on a conscious level --- let alone on a deep sub-conscious level. Nothing will ever come close to replacing Maddie's loss. But spending Sunday afternoons with some of her loved ones can at least make a dent. Please keep an eye open for e-mails regarding Sunday, and attend whenever it is convenient. Maddie basks in the presence of many people who love her and who are paying attention to her. These are the people who someday soon, along with Jim first and foremost, will be telling her all about her Mommy. Mark.


Date:

19 Oct 2004

Time:

04:19:15

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Maddie - It was so much fun spending Sunday with you at the carnival. Here is an e-mail I sent to your loved ones: The thing that Maddie liked most about the Carnival was the little Zoo they had! Especially the Piggy, Bunnies, Goat and Chicken! I had read Maddie the flier days beforehand listing all the stuff that would be there. One of the things was "rides." Because of the potential rain, though, the rides were cancelled. Maddie had a great time, but amazingly mentioned occassionaly "There are no rides." Her total recall is absolutely amazing. I asked her if she remembered when she went with daddy to see the real "Wiggles" a long time ago when she was only two years old. She answered "With River."


Date:

25 Oct 2004

Time:

05:30:12

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Hi Maddie --- I'm copying you on another e-mail that went out to your family and friends: This is to confirm that dinner is a "go" with Maddie Sunday night with Jim, Maddie, Russell, Alice and Mark. HOWEVER, all others are welcome. You haven't lived life until Maddie has given you a "squeezie." Addiction Warning: Once you have spent Sunday dinner with Maddie, you will want to keep coming back for more, and Maddie loves a hi-carb Italian diet. Further, Maddie has Cec's sense of humor, so that choking while laughing is possible --- eat at your own risk. (Not to leave out Jim's contribution, she does have his hair color and easy-going disposition). ------ [Lovable Maddie story #42,895: Maddie let out this huge shreek. I laughed and asked "What was that?" She turned to me and said very non-chalantly: "That was a scream." ]


Date:

25 Oct 2004

Time:

05:41:31

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Maddie; this is how I described what happened at the restaurant when I took you into the back room to sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" with piano accompaniment to a packed House: It was thrilling to see how much she loved it. The room was just packed, and the smiles of joy on everyone's faces was indescribable --- as was Maddie calling out :"THANK YOU!" to people who called out compliments as I carried her towards the exit. It made me think of the show Cec did when she was pregnant, and then said afterwards that it was Maddie's first time on stage (which I have on video).


Date:

26 Oct 2004

Time:

14:32:57

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Hi Cec: I took Russell's Grief Recovery Workshop this past weekend. Did a lot of crying. I miss you terribly. Yesterday I asked Maddie if she'd like to take a nap on the couch, and she crawled up like she was going to doze off. Then I was allowed to discover the pleasure of what Jim does at bedtime: Maddie said gently "Tell me the three bears." I almost cracked up laughing. Knowing from Jim's e-mails the general direction that Maddie would take the story anyway was helpful, as I was able to build in openings for her involvement. I started out that there was a Maddie bear, a Mommy bear and a Daddy bear. Maddie immediately added that there was also a Baby bear ... so that now we were up to four bears. I said that they were eating dinner, and asked Maddie what they were eating: "HONEY!" And I asked where they go the honey from: "THE TREE!" She was so adorable. Well, I had the bears eat so much honey that their tummies got too big for the house, and as a result they moved in with Goldilocks and her Grama. Maddie immediately added "And her Mommy and Daddy!" Eventually I had Maddie go outside to find a horse, and she climbed on. I have always told Maddie that Daddy rides horses at work. So immediately she announced: "and they rode to Daddy's work." Thus Jim became a character in the story. At one point she had them riding past my house to get a cookie! (This was doubtless from a memory of when she and Maribel dropped by, and my Mom gave Maddie a cookie!) Well, Ceco, I have to go now. I love you very much. We all do. I hope to see you soon sometime in a dream when you get a chance. Goodbye for now. Mark.


Date:

27 Oct 2004

Time:

18:03:44

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Hi Maddie, It's your cousin, Amy. I just want you to know how happy I am that I had an aunt like your mom. You know, she and I had the same birthday? I can tell you this....My Aunt Cecily, your mother, was one of the most kind-hearted people I knew. She really had a way of making me feel good about myself, and I always loved just talking with her about any old subject. She made it interesting and fun! I remember before you were born, how she talked about her fears of never being able to have a child. I also remember finding out that she was pregnant at Maw Maw's house in TX. I was so excited for her, and she was still so worried that something would go wrong. You were her world even before you existed. Although your time together was cut extremely short, just know that you made her a mother...what she dreamt of being. She was so proud of you, and tried her best to give you a perfect world...and all the time, you were making her world perfect by just being. You are a beautiful, smart, wonderful child, and remember..you gave your mother the best 2 1/2 years of her life!

 


Date:

12 Dec 2004

Time:

05:03:32

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Hi Maddie, I hope you know how much your Mom was loved, even by those of us who never met her. I am your cousin Amy's best friend, and I hope that you know how much your Mom's remarkable life has left a positive impact on many people! You Dad is a brilliant man also, and you are a very lucky little girl! Kisses and Hugs for you! I hope I get to meet you someday! Stacia Newell

 
 

Date:

04 Feb 2005

Time:

20:09:32

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

I didn't know your Mom well, but we went to UC Irvine together. The 1970's were a different time, but your Mom was a calming influence on many of us, and she worked very hard on the stage productions she was involved with. I'm sorry for your loss and mine. David Gray dat@grayville.com


Date:

19 Mar 2005

Time:

06:12:46

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

We love you, Cec, with all our hearts. It's hard to believe that a year has gone by. If I could have traded places with you, so that you could still be with Maddie, I'd have done so in an instant. I've tried so hard to do what I know you'd have expected of me in your absence, Cec. Not everything has been possible. You were the glue that held everything together. I've tried to give Maddie the love that I know you would have wanted her to have. I've been in constant contact with your Mom to make sure that she is OK ... and frankly she has also been a shoulder for me to cry on. I even got her the i-mac that you always wanted her to have. Things haven't been easy for anyone. Life without you just seems so empty. But we are trying as best we can. You are the most special person that I have ever had the privledge to know, and to care about, and I am honored that you were my friend .. that you are my friend. The idea of going on without you here in the flesh is more than I can bear. I'll do my best. But it's really hard Cec. There isn't a mement of any day when I find myself not needing your advice, or for you to make me laugh. None of it has been fair, Cec. I'd give everything I own, I'd give my life, for just another instant with you. For Maddie to be with you for another moment. I'll do whatever I can do in your absence, although in many respects my hands are tied. I await the day when we can hang out again, and go roller skating, and just hang out and make each other laugh .. and argue. You are the most special person to have ever lived, Cec. I love you so, so much. Please watch over all of us, We need you. Your most caring friend ever in life, Mark. PS - Ilove you so much. I'd give anything if I could have traded places with you. I am so, so sorry that I wasn't able to do better for you. I tried so hard, I tried so hard, Cec. The medical system just isn't as noble or decent as we'd hoped. But you did well, Cec. And you came so close. You fought so hard. And I can only look forward to the day when we get to pal around again in the herefater. I love you Cec. Mark.


Date:

23 Mar 2005

Time:

17:43:27

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Just wanted to thank you for creating the Cecily Adam's website. I just learned of her passing two days ago and was deeply saddened. I wanted to know more about her so I did a "Google" search and came across the website. I only knew Cecily Adams from her portrayal of Ishka on 'Deep Space Nine', but that was enough to make a lasting impression on me. I have the entire 'Deep Space Nine' series on DVD and watch it often. Now, EVERY time I see Ishka, not only will I be thinking about the marvelous actress inside the make-up, but also what a wonderful woman Cecily Adams was and how much she was loved by those who knew her! Thank you!! Tim


Date:

04 Apr 2005

Time:

00:03:26

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Keep doing what you're doing. With the many variables of cancer, specific "real person" stories and situations are a blessing to those in need. In sharing with others what is learned, not only does it help with the healing process, but something that is mentioned may be just the information someone newly diagnosed may be looking for. Taking the time to post information that you have experienced and learned is a tribute not only to your friend's memory and not only shows love for her, but for people in general.


Date:

08 Apr 2005

Time:

04:47:30

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Maddie,:) I want you to know that I love you dearly... I am a therapist at CDI and have had the wonderful opportunity to come to your home and play with ya.:) I never met your mom--I came into your life 8 months after your mom passed away. Although, I feel like I know your mom (somehow-someway). I often visit this beloved site that is dedicated to you... Each day I come to your home I look at all the beautiful pictures of your mom...As we play together I see just how much you look like your mom. I know she is with you each day--her spirit will live with you forever, Madeline. She has touched my life and I do not even know her. What a wonderful, and caring family you have. I hope to keep in touch with you through the years. With love always, Cassie Snyder (soon to be Romsa) April, 2005


Date:

08 Apr 2005

Time:

04:49:43

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Maddie,:) I want you to know that I love you dearly... I am a therapist at CDI and have had the wonderful opportunity to come to your home and play with ya.:) I never met your mom--I came into your life 8 months after your mom passed away. Although, I feel like I know your mom (somehow-someway). I often visit this beloved site that is dedicated to you... Each day I come to your home I look at all the beautiful pictures of your mom...As we play together I see just how much you look like your mom. I know she is with you each day--her spirit will live with you forever, Madeline. She has touched my life and I do not even know her (or maybe she is one of my angels). What a wonderful, and caring family you have. I am so very glad to have met you... I hope to keep in touch with you through the years. With love always, Cassie Snyder (soon to be Romsa) April, 2005


Date:

23 Apr 2005

Time:

17:35:25

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Maddie....you dont know me. My name is Sarah. I live in Texas and I know your Aunt Denise. Going through the internet I found this website. I felt that I had to write. From the day you were born I only heard of how much love your family has wanted for you. I have lost many in my life as well. Its hard but when you are older I hope everyone around will come together and tell you so many stories about your mother. I have heard a few. And she was and always will be a beautiful woman with an even better heart. I also know that your father loves you very much. Never forget that. Just know there are many people here for you....YES sweet child even those ehom you have never met.


Date:

07 May 2005

Time:

01:39:32

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Hi Maddie --- It's been over 5 months since I've seen you, but I want you to know that you haven't been out of my thoughts for a minute. I miss you so much, and I love you so much higher than the cow that jumped over the moon that I can't even count that high! :-) Your Grama Dell told me that you had you tonsels out today, and that you came through with flying colors. I'm so proud of you --- though I know that an inducement to you was that you could have all the ice cream that you can eat!!! Grama says that when you came home you wouldn't leave your Daddy's arms. Here is an e-mail that I just sent out to your Mom's family: Cec's website just passed the 14,000 hit mark. :-) I recently added a video of Cec singing at a Trek convention ---- I'm going to try to get some of her improv work up in the months ahead. Most of you have probably never seen the wonderful and comedic material that she did at the Groundlings and Acme, much of it when she was in boot camp with guys like Will Forte. I had bugged her at the time to follow Will to New York to try out for Saturday Night Live; typical Cec response: "I'm not as good." You'll know that's not true when you see some of her brilliant comedy work. One of her best characters was named "Maureen," a woman who was so filled with despair and darkness that she ends up driving an "I can make anyone feel great" evangilist-type to comit suicide. She's hysterical. Hope that everyone is well. Mark.


Date:

18 Jul 2005

Time:

16:46:40

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Maddie, my darling. It has been 8 months since I've seen you, but you have not been out of my thoughts for a second. I love you so much, and I know that I will see you soon. I just found an e-mail that I had sent to your aunts on February 25, 2004. I had no idea then that I was describing the last time that you and your Mama were together.Your Mama had come home from being in the hospital for 2 weeks. I remeber it so well, and I thought you'd like to know about it. . Love, Marky ....... 2/25/04: As bedtime drew near I decided to just carry Maddie in for a minute --- I told Maddie that Mama has a booboo so we can only stay a minute to say goodnight and then Mama has to sleep. Both Uncle Russell and Ida were also in the room when we entered. To describe the look on Cecily’s face upon seeing Maddie cannot be done meaningfully in words. And Maddie removed herself quickly from my arms as soon as she saw Cec, went right up to the bed, climbed on the step stool, and leaned over to take Cecily’s hand. Prompted by a few questions, Maddie told Cec about her time at the park today. It was very, very moving, even if brief. There was an indescribable bond that a two-week sojourn had not changed for Maddie. And it made Cec smile for the first time in --- I don’t know how long.


Date:

14 Aug 2005

Time:

14:33:57

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Hi Maddie. This is an e-mail that I sent out to your relatives today: A hebrew tribute to Cec can now be seen on the Israeli Star Trek web site - see link down below. The English translation is on Cec's site at www.cecilyadams.com/fans.htm , along with a gallery of Moogie photos at www.cecilyadams.com/moogie2.htm that the Isreali site collected from the web. --------------- Hello,   I'm proud to say that finally, a few months after my first idea, the "Moogie Project" is over. As promised, I announced about the new Moogie pages at Startrek.com's message board, and of course on our own site.   Thank you, Shmuel Loutaty    http://www.starbase972.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=327&mode=thread&order=0&thold=0 ------------------ Dear Shmuel - Thank you so much for a wonderful tribute. It means a great deal to all of us that Cecily is so loved around the world. As long as her brilliant work lives on, her spirit will always be with us. Best, Mark Sobel.


Date:

26 Sep 2005

Time:

16:46:49

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

To Jim and Mattie, Im just a fan of your Moms and Grandfather{ who I just read had passed away, my condolences to you and your family] this is one of the most beautifull websites and listening to the memorial, life is so precious and so short, May God bless you and keep you, your in my thoughts and prayers..a friend.....suzy,[suz38w@yahoo.com}


Date:

27 Sep 2005

Time:

02:21:04

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

I happened upon this site as I heard of the death of Don Adams. I for some reason googled Cecily Adams. I am incredibly touched by the rememberances. She sounded like an amazing woman...just as I'm sure Maddie will be. Namaste and Aloha, Kat of Kauai


Date:

27 Sep 2005

Time:

19:43:58

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

I first met Cecily at an in-dorm class at UCI (circa 1977)and was immediately impressed with her good-natured, down-to-earth, and cheery personality. She always had an easy smile, and when combined with her sometimes impish antics had a way of clearing the gloom from a bad day. Since we had very different majors (and thus schedules), we didn't really get the chance to know each other in great detail, but seeing Cecily around campus here and there was always a treat. She is one of those people that I'd always wished I had taken the time to get to know better! Upon graduation we lost contact with one another. Not being in the entertainment industry, I didn't keep up with her life and career. In April of last year (2004) I was searching out old college friends on the internet and much to my dismay discovered news of Cecily's illness and passing. Needless to say, like everyone else who knew her, I was devastated! If only I had started my search a year earlier... A beautiful smile, a sharp intellect and just an all-around wonderful human being! I miss you Cecily Adams... Neil Gertz


Date:

29 Sep 2005

Time:

06:47:15

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

I just found out about Cecily today, when I thought of her upon hearing of her father's passing. I did a google and was shocked to read about her death. I was friends with her because we shared Mr Occhipiniti's very difficult American History class at Beverly High. Since I was good at that class, we ended up studying together. I met her mom, who was a very neat lady, and her dad, who was well known for his role of Agent Smart. I'll never forget Cecily for her unpretentious and utterly nice manner. She was very modest, in spite of her dad being a star. She was so nice to me, even though I was rather a nobody. I've always thought of her fondly.She was a truly nice person. I had no idea she had gone on to be an actress herself. I was so sorry to hear about her untimely death! God bless her daughter and husband. I, myself, went on to have 6 children, and I lost my second husband to cancer tragically, so I feel so deeply for her husband who must have adored Cecily, since she was a remarkably delightful person. I say this from the bottom of my heart. Jan Skiba Roslyn, WA ---------- Proverbs 16:24 Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. ------------


Date:

01 Nov 2005

Time:

03:07:36

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Dearest Maddie, Your Mother touched so many different lives; & that is why there is a large outpouring of love--for your Mother Cecily. She always had a big smile upon her face & her heart was large enough to love & car about all the many people she met on her very short journey of life. She adored YOU, little Maddie & she now is your own guardian angel that will always watching you til the day you die & are finally able to be with your Mother--for all eternity.Have your Mother's friends tell you all the stories about Cecily affected their lives. Put these down into a book & you will then KNOW just how loving & caring & gentle soul, that your Mother is. God bless you, little one.


Date:

06 Nov 2005

Time:

04:49:52

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Shalom Maddie, My name is Shmuel, I'm a DS9 fan and I'm the one responsible for the Moogie tribute page. I visited this site and saw there was not enough Moogie material. Not enough as one would expect after this kind of character your late mother portrayed. So I contacted some of my friends and we created together this tribute page. And this all happened after watching your mother on DS9. She was a great Moogie, she touched us. All the best, Shmuel Loutaty


Date:

13 Nov 2005

Time:

21:12:02

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Hi, I've enjoyed your site to Cecily. A quick question, did Maddie have her tonsils out for reasons such as sleep apnea or snoring? My son had his tonsils and adenoids out for these reasons and his speech greatly improved. I don't know if this helps at all so I'm just passing this along. My best to you and yet another person has learned of Cecily's life thru your work. Thank you! -Warren Gunther Edmonds, WA


Date:

27 Nov 2005

Time:

01:50:08

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

November 2005: Hello my darling Maddie. Even though it has been a year since I have seen you, I want you to know that I think about you every minute of every day. I sent a note recently to ask to see you, but it doesn't seem that it will happen. Just know that I will always love you, and will always be here for you in the event that I am needed. And also always remember --- I love you higher than the cow who jumped over the moon. Your Mommy would be so proud of you. Have a happy Thanksgiving. Love, Marky.


Date:

04 Dec 2005

Time:

21:58:17

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Dear Maddie --- both your Grama and I are thinking of you very minute of every day. We miss you more than words can say. I am trying to help get your Grama moved into an apartment right around the corner from where you live ... that was your Mother's dream. Hopefully if she is close by, you will be able to see her more often. And I know that some day, you and I will be able to hug and kiss each other again too. That will be the happiest day of my life. I love you my darling, more than you can ever know. Marky.


Date:

15 Dec 2005

Time:

18:48:44

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Dear Cecily, I came to know you through your Dad. Not directly, but as a huge fan of Don's for 40 years, since I was 9, everything about him interests me. You have touched my life more than I can say. Now, I am a Cecily Adams fan. :) Your memorial service brought me to tears, many times. You were such a special person. I wish I could have met you. Now, you and your Dad are together forever, and one day, I will see you both. Take care of him, and watch over all of us here on Earth who love you very much.


Date:

05 Jan 2006

Time:

18:35:05

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Subj: Cecily Adams Date: 1/4/2006 9:44:48 AM Pacific Standard Time From: Lrandl To: Markss9876s Dear Mr. Sobel, I was recently at the dentist office and was thumbing through an old issue of People magazine when I read about Cecily Adams's passing. I had to re-read it several times before believing it. I don't really follow TV and the movies info much, which accounts for this escaping me. What terrible surprise, shock and sadness. Cecily was a classmate and a dear friend at UCI. Always enthusiastic, so incredibly kind, she invariably brought her friends joy whether they were happy or gloomy. I just reminded myself of her one-time crush on Gene Wilder and her license plates that sported "wld4wldr." I wish I had kept some of the great photos I had of her - but sadly things get lost in transition. After UCI quite some time passed without seeing Cecily. Out of the blue several years ago she called me and we got together - she was happier than she had ever been in that she was now married and had made peace with her father (while at UCI it greatly troubled her that he had distanced himself from her). This was the last time I saw her. And only now, do I so regret letting this wonderful friend slip out of my life forever. I truly apologize if this re-opens old wounds, which I'm sure it does. I lost one of my dearest friends, a TV producer, Margaret Garb, also in 2004. She was very much like Cecily as I remember her - bubbling with enthusiasm, kindness, and an unrestrained sense of adventure - her loss is still leaves me inconsolable - some people are a very tough act to follow. Since you were such great friends, I'm wondering if she stayed in touch with Theresa (Felchner) Jones, and Stuart Fieldhouse - they were part of our little group at UCI, and I haven't been in touch with them for a very long time. If so, would you be so kind as to pass along to them my email address or my phone number (714-785-2845). I would love to catch up with them. Although coming so late from a long-ago friend, I pass along my deepest condolences to her family and friends. Godspeed to you Cecily, you were truly a one of a kind. And, best wishes to you Mr. Sobel, and I hope the New Year brings you great happiness. Kind regards, Randy Lubert


Date:

06 Jan 2006

Time:

12:41:48

Remote User:

 

My Thought to Share:

Maddie, your mom Cec{my sister} has always been right next to me for my whole life. When I was a young man just getting started in life I was having a tough time trying to get my life track. Cecily came to aid at 13 years old to try and help in school by tutoring me {bribing me with my favorite foods} tuna melts from Nibblers and coffee shakes. Cec worked tirelessly with me. It helped me greatly. This showing of kindness and unconditional love was one of the important times in my life. I had never this type of love before. It might have been the first time I ever recognized real love. When I was thrown out of my house at 17 years old Cec had Married Jim. They both took me into their home and helped me find a job a few months later. I went on to fining my way through getting my high school diploma, going to college, going to the most well known cooking school in America. I went on to go to school in Italy to get my masters there. I worked for 8 years and became an Executive Chef and an opening chef for restaurants. Without Jim and Cec and many loving friends I would never have had the chance. Always have hope, and trust yourself. I love you and will be here if need anything my whole life. Love Sean


Date:

18 Feb 2006

Time:

23:20:00

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Happy Valentine's Day my darling Maddie. I promise that I will hug and kiss you again just as soon as I can. And I will tell you all sorts of wonderful stories about your mommy. I love you higher than all the stars in the sky. Marky.


Date:

02 May 2006

Time:

21:09:44

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Hello my darling angel (your mother always called you her "angel"). I recently tried to see if I could visit with you for an afternoon, but it won't be happening anytime soon. I just want you to know how much I love you and miss you, and that not a minute passes when I don't think of you, and long to hug and kiss you. I will never stop trying to find a way for us to be together again. I love you higher than all the stars in the sky. Your Friend, Marky.


Date:

21 Aug 2006

Time:

08:00:20

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

AUGUST 19, 2006 - Happy 5th Birthday my sweetheart. I am so sorry that I could not be with you, but I thought about you all day. So did Grama, who longs to hug and kiss you. We will all be together soon, I promise. I hope that you had a wonderful party. I love you more than anyone in the universe. Marky.


Date:

05 Oct 2006

Time:

01:54:25

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

My Darling Maddie - I recently mailed you a camera for your birthday present, and I hope that it gets to you. It is the type of still-camera that uses film, and you have to look through a viewfinder. I think about you constantly, and I know that your Grama Dell does as well. Always know that you are loved by so many people who hold your Mother's spirit close to their hearts. I hope that you are enjoying Kindergarten, and I hope that I will have the chance to hold you in my arms again just as soon as it is possible. I love you with all my heart and soul. Marky.


Date:

23 Nov 2006

Time:

19:56:22

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Dear Maddie. Happy Thanksgiving. I think about you every minute of every day. I heard that you went to visit you cousin Sophia recently - I was so happy to know that you two are becoming friends. I love you, my angel, and promise that I will do everything possible to see you just as soon as I can. You are the person that I love the most in this whole world. And I know that your grama misses you all of the time too. Have a happy day my darling, Love, Marky.


Date:

06 Dec 2006

Time:

06:55:59

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Dear Maddie - Both your Grama and I are thinking about you constantly. We all love you very much, and we really miss your Mommy. I hope that we will be able to see you just as soon as possible. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo Marky.


Date:

18 Dec 2006

Time:

06:02:49

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Hi Maddie --- X-mas is coming up, and I find myself thinking a lot about your Mother ... and of course about you. Three years ago at Christmas your family was preparing to move into your new house for the first time. The move from the temporary house that you'd lived in for 2 months after moving out of your first home (on Rubio) took place just a day or so before Christmas. The house had no furniture, boxes were stacked all over the place unpacked, and it was not a place that anyone would have wanted to visit let alone move into. BUT ... the Art Department and Set Decorating crew from the TV show that your Mom was casting at that time ("That 70s Show") came over and dressed your new house as though it were a set in a multi-million dollar movie! Complete with Christmas lights all around the outside of the house. It was nothing short of a miracle ... it was like the whole world rallied to make sure that your Mother would have the most beautiful house ever to come to. That is how loved she was by everyone. When I first saw how beautiful your house looked overnight, I began to cry. You had a very happy Christmas that year, Maddie, in December of 2003. Your Mama gave you a beautiful Carousel that would play music as the merry-go-round turned. I was with her when she bought it for you ... she just saw it and knew that she had to get it as your Christmas present. She said that it was a gift that you would always remember. And in the many months ahead you never forgot that it was Mommy's present to you for Christmas. Oh my darling, Christmas and New Years were so emotional 3 years ago. We didn't know how much longer we would have your mother with us, but she was determined to fight to stay with you for every possible minute ... no matter how difficult or painful it might be. That is what she told all the doctors. Her dream was to take you to Disneyland for the first time for your birthday in August. I have never seen a mother and daughter love each other so much. I miss you so badly, my darling, that tears often come to my eyes when I think about you --- and I think about you every minute of every day. So does your Grama. We both wish that we could be there with you this Christmas, but your Grama sent you a present, and I will be thinking of you a lot. I love you, Maddie --- more than you'll ever know. I love you higher than all of the stars in the night sky. Your Mommy's Friend, and also Your Friend, Marky.


Date:

06 Feb 2007

Time:

20:39:59

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

Hello my darling Maddie Rose (I guess I can't call you a "baby girl" anymore as your Mom always used to, since you are 5 1/2 years old now). Today would have been your Mother's 49th Birthday, and so of course she was on my mind. I just spoke on the phone to your Grama, and we sang Happy Birthday. Your Grama and I both miss you so much. I hope that you are a happy and healthy girl, and that I will have you in my arms again soon. I love you forever, Marky.


Date:

18 Mar 2007

Time:

04:43:19

Remote User:

My Thought to Share:

I am thinking of you all the time, Maddie. I love you and will see you just as soon as I can. Love, Marky.

 

 

August 19, 2007

 

Happy Birthday my darling. Love, Marky

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Hello Mark. My name is Carol Reardon and I went to boarding school with Cecily and her sisters. This morning, I woke up thinking about my days at boarding school.  I remember so clearly the day that Cecily and her sisters came to school with their mother.  I think the reason I remember that day so well is that Cecily was literally a baby, she was not even old enough to be in the first grade. She was such a sweet child and her wonderful sisters looked after her. I think how difficult that must have been for all the girls, but a baby, well I was really amazed. I will always remember the sisters walking hand in hand with their baby sister, and that child was always smiling.  They were just lovely girls, all three of them. In the evenings, when their father was on TV, we, (all the boarding students) would watch him sing in the chorus of the Perry Como Show.  I have thought of little Cecily many times over the years. She was  a tiny little girl, but such a sparkle of sunshine in that dreary boarding school.
 
Best Regards,
Carol Reardon

 

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